Saturday, July 31, 2004
i am so alone
i am like this poor little girl who is left behind ..cos of my choices....everyone is busy in uni..but i chose to go back to poly..not that it is a bad choice..as i am doing pretty well here..but at times i just feel like the last straggler in the rat race towards where?...success? towards the working life? qinyi is in aussie..her 2nd yr already...aaron is going to USA, ling ...my dearest is going to Canada...i only have lynn and may left..lynn....goes back to m'sia occasionally..made a pact to go clubbing when sch starts for her...everyone is so busy...where do i fit in? all the people close to my heart seem to be leaving one by one..they will come back...but ling is migrating...PERMANENT!! i will miss her so much....sometimes..there are things you take for granted....all the times i had with her...i still remember...one birthday..she saved up to get me a beautiful pen holder...being the CLUMSY FOOL i usually am..i broke it when i got home...totally my fault..i still remember how i called her and cried to her telling how much i liked her present but i broke it...how i asked her if she could get me another one...* I WAS SUCH A SPOILT BRAT* i still remember feeling so bad after i asked. yeah..felt like a blardie bitch...all the times we had...thinking about presents..our nicknames...our angbaos...i love you ling..i really do.
thoughts on a saturday afternoon
sometimes..just when i thought i was fine....these moods....come creeping back into my mind...just like the cockroaches appearing back into cupboards on the sly...sometimes when i thought i was okay..i'm over it...i get these sudden mood swings again...they just make me feel so sad, so lethargic. sometimes all it takes is one look at the sky in the morning..when i wake....OH GOLLY..it is raining again...what a wonderful day it is going to be*jeremy will say..sarcasm becomes you debby poon* i dont know what came over me last night...i got all moody and sad all over again....sometimes i think this is some on going vicious cycle that is never going to let me go.
like i told benjamin. nowadays..even shopping has lost its kick...even my favourite activity has become extremely boring....extremely monotonous...everywhere go, everything i do...somethings just missing....there's some piece of the jigsaw puzzle hidden somewhere. and i cant find that particular piece that will complete the whole thing....i suppose this puzzle that i want to complete is my life at this point.
ok...back to something lighter
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today...i was half an hour late for french..partly due to the rain..and partly due to me being lazy...
oh well...went to french...jean marc just has this cheering ability...he just makes me laugh...just like dawn does...even if he is scolding me for forgetting all my verbs and nouns..maybe sometimes i just go for french cos he can cheer me up....its so selfish of me i know...but well...
aniway...on the trip home...i was constantly surrounded by tall men...maybe cos i was wearing flats today...but at any point during that trip..i was surrounded by at least 2 armpits*FYI i am at armpit level*...thank god it wasnt a hot day...or that they werent wearing sleeveless tops. if not i would be faced with hairy armpits...sometimes i really wonder why men dont shave their armpits...they would look so much cleaner...i always associate armpit hair with dirt and grime...but anyway. this topic is taboo to many of the male population so...yeap back to my trip....at orchard or around there...gave up my seat to an old uncle...then when i reached toa payoh..decided to get the polo from bossini i was eyeing recently...then i also decided to walk home...the journey seemed shorter today..on the other hand, maybe it was cos i'm not as tired as i would be at 6pm..that's about it up to now...
like i told benjamin. nowadays..even shopping has lost its kick...even my favourite activity has become extremely boring....extremely monotonous...everywhere go, everything i do...somethings just missing....there's some piece of the jigsaw puzzle hidden somewhere. and i cant find that particular piece that will complete the whole thing....i suppose this puzzle that i want to complete is my life at this point.
ok...back to something lighter
:: - :: - :: - :: - :: - :: - :: - :: - :: - :: - :: - :: - :: - ::
today...i was half an hour late for french..partly due to the rain..and partly due to me being lazy...
oh well...went to french...jean marc just has this cheering ability...he just makes me laugh...just like dawn does...even if he is scolding me for forgetting all my verbs and nouns..maybe sometimes i just go for french cos he can cheer me up....its so selfish of me i know...but well...
aniway...on the trip home...i was constantly surrounded by tall men...maybe cos i was wearing flats today...but at any point during that trip..i was surrounded by at least 2 armpits*FYI i am at armpit level*...thank god it wasnt a hot day...or that they werent wearing sleeveless tops. if not i would be faced with hairy armpits...sometimes i really wonder why men dont shave their armpits...they would look so much cleaner...i always associate armpit hair with dirt and grime...but anyway. this topic is taboo to many of the male population so...yeap back to my trip....at orchard or around there...gave up my seat to an old uncle...then when i reached toa payoh..decided to get the polo from bossini i was eyeing recently...then i also decided to walk home...the journey seemed shorter today..on the other hand, maybe it was cos i'm not as tired as i would be at 6pm..that's about it up to now...
Friday, July 30, 2004
Yesterday... we went to Guoan's church for his play...we went solely to support him. after going there....it gave me this nostalgic feeling...it reminded me of the times in chapel in secondary school...but mostly we just went to chapel and slept there...
The play was about life after death and was very dramatic *being a play*. It all seemed like a type of hard-sell to me. *no offense*. It made me think of the concepts behind all the religions and wat makes people believe in them. There are many religions, they all preach what you are supposed to do in order to heaven. But does one really wonder if they all work? we would only know after we die isnt it? Why do some people insist on putting down the beliefs of others.
What i feel is that most religions teach people to do good...*in the basic essence*. I as a person, as long as i went through life, doing what i want to do. As long as i am not a bad person, i feel am all right. I am easily contented, i only want to go through life loved and to love. As long as the people who matter to me and the people who i matter to remember me and love me, i know i will find peace.
Dont be traumatised....I'm just in a morbid cum religious mood today
Click Here for pics
The play was about life after death and was very dramatic *being a play*. It all seemed like a type of hard-sell to me. *no offense*. It made me think of the concepts behind all the religions and wat makes people believe in them. There are many religions, they all preach what you are supposed to do in order to heaven. But does one really wonder if they all work? we would only know after we die isnt it? Why do some people insist on putting down the beliefs of others.
What i feel is that most religions teach people to do good...*in the basic essence*. I as a person, as long as i went through life, doing what i want to do. As long as i am not a bad person, i feel am all right. I am easily contented, i only want to go through life loved and to love. As long as the people who matter to me and the people who i matter to remember me and love me, i know i will find peace.
Dont be traumatised....I'm just in a morbid cum religious mood today
Click Here for pics
Thursday, July 29, 2004
yesterday.....
yesterday...school was supposed to be from 12 - 2...actually 12.10..so i had an extra 10 mins...not late this time...HAHA!! so mom messaged me at like 1 plus....said she wanted to bring us along for facial...wah...long time never go liao....and she wants us to go along every MONTH!! BID *But I Digress*..i almost died when they started squeezing my pimples....*ouch ouch* but i was brave,....for a wimp...i didnt make a sound...so proud of myself...hiak hiakz...like aaron says...self praise feels good. yup yup...back to the main topic..yesh..was supposed to be going out on a date...so...cos of the change of plans...my date=benjamin had to pick me up from chinatown point instead...we went down to holland v..where most good food is located...had nydc...yesh...another mudpie....some new york thing this time...i plan to try every single mud pie before the end of this year..MUAHAHA...to hell with my waist line...anyway...after which we had a drive around...went to see some sights of singapore...even with my 20 years here...i've never been to these places...had good conversation...exchange stories..had laughs...was not a bad night....suddenly..i seem to be such a busy girl...doing this that...going here there..i havent even touched my assignment!! and its due next week!! sighz....got another lesson to get to..tata..
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
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